Cinema Review – Transformers: Age of Extinction

After the battle of Chicago, the Autobots and Decepticons alike have gone into hiding. When Cade (Mark Wahlberg) finds an old truck that he plans to fix up and sell, it is not long before he realises he has got more than he bargained for, and the government is on his trail.

I remember, not that long ago, seeing the trailer for the first Transformers movie and being stupidly excited. This time out, my expectations were not high; all nostalgia for the franchise had been eroded through the first movie, and the level of SFX and misogyny throughout the franchise did not fill me with hope.

As with the last couple of outings, the human cast have very little to do except run away, do some surprisingly stupid stuff and decorate the set. That goes for the men as well as the women, but there are more than enough ass and crotch shots of Nicola Petlz to remind us that in the Transformers universe at least, women are little more than scenery. Thank god for Stanley Tucci then who seems to be utterly aware of the room for comedy in the film, and plays it up at every opportunity. Tucci comes out the best of a cast that really comes secondary to the action, and anyone excited because Jack Reynor is in the movie can sit down again, this ain’t What Richard Did with robots.

The story, as you may expect is ridiculous, over the top and supremely silly. Did you know that the Transformers killed the dinosaurs then turned them into Transformers? Me either, but that’s the gist of the movie… I think. Some of the dialogue is unintentionally hilarious – ‘My face is my warrant’ from Titus Welliver is a particularly good one – and the rest of it is just painful. As well as this, Optimus Prime insists that he is not going to kill any humans, but proceeds to do just that, while wrecking up the place… And this is the least of the plotholes that litter the film. Sigh. To top it all off, the religious allegory is strong with this one, with Prime turning out as little more than a robotic messiah.

Michael Bay brings the Transformers back to the screen with a literal bang. The set pieces are so huge that the Transformers are often half out of shot, and the sound scape for the film is huge and booming. The first half hour of the film – misogyny aside – is actually rather entertaining, but one Prime and the humans go on the road the film turns into a bloated, rambling mess. The pacing is all over the place, the dialogue often unintelligible (again) and much of the CGI is on the cheap and nasty side.

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a film made for 10 year old boys, and no-one else. Explosions and miniscule hot pants abound, and the plot makes absolutely no sense; not that it needs to with massive set pieces and talking robots. For anyone over the age of 10 who was hoping for a semi intelligent action film, think again. Transformers: Age of Extinction is a woman hating, over the top, foolish mess devoid of any charm or reason for being. It’s not even an entertaining mess, it’s just a mess.

Rating: 0/5

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